Redneck Letter
Posted: Fri Jul 01, 2016 12:54 am
Redneck Letter
A letter from a redneck mother to her son.
I'm writing this letter slow, because I know you can't read fast. We
don't live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the paper
that most accidents happen 20 miles from your home, so we moved. I won't
be able to send you the address as the last people who stayed here took
the numbers with them for their next house, so they wouldn't have to
change their address.
This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine. I'm not sure
it works too well: last week I put in 3 shirts, pulled the chain and
haven't seen them since. The weather here isn't too bad. It rained only
twice last week. The first it rained for 3 days and second time for 4
days.
The coat you wanted me to send you, your Aunt said it would be a little
too heavy to send in the mail with all the buttons, so we cut them off
and put them in the pocket.
We got another bill from the funeral home. It said that if we don't
make the last payment on Grandma's funeral, she will come up again.
Your father has another job. He has 500 men under him. He is cutting
the grass at the cemetery.
Your sister had a baby this morning. I haven't found out whether it's a
girl or a boy, so I don't know whether you are an Aunt or Uncle.
Your uncle, Jatinder fell in a whisky vat. Some men tried to pull him
out, but he fought them off and drowned. We cremated him and he burned
for three days.
Three of your friends went off the bridge in a pick-up truck. One was
driving, the other two were in the back. The driver got out, he rolled
down the window and swam to safety. The other drowned because they
couldn't get the tail gate down.
There isn't much more news this time. Nothing much has happened.
Love Mom.
P.S.: I was going to send you some money but the envelope was already
sealed.
A letter from a redneck mother to her son.
I'm writing this letter slow, because I know you can't read fast. We
don't live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the paper
that most accidents happen 20 miles from your home, so we moved. I won't
be able to send you the address as the last people who stayed here took
the numbers with them for their next house, so they wouldn't have to
change their address.
This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine. I'm not sure
it works too well: last week I put in 3 shirts, pulled the chain and
haven't seen them since. The weather here isn't too bad. It rained only
twice last week. The first it rained for 3 days and second time for 4
days.
The coat you wanted me to send you, your Aunt said it would be a little
too heavy to send in the mail with all the buttons, so we cut them off
and put them in the pocket.
We got another bill from the funeral home. It said that if we don't
make the last payment on Grandma's funeral, she will come up again.
Your father has another job. He has 500 men under him. He is cutting
the grass at the cemetery.
Your sister had a baby this morning. I haven't found out whether it's a
girl or a boy, so I don't know whether you are an Aunt or Uncle.
Your uncle, Jatinder fell in a whisky vat. Some men tried to pull him
out, but he fought them off and drowned. We cremated him and he burned
for three days.
Three of your friends went off the bridge in a pick-up truck. One was
driving, the other two were in the back. The driver got out, he rolled
down the window and swam to safety. The other drowned because they
couldn't get the tail gate down.
There isn't much more news this time. Nothing much has happened.
Love Mom.
P.S.: I was going to send you some money but the envelope was already
sealed.
